Reframing

Berpikir positif itu asyik, walopun berat dilakukan :) 

Sebuah kisah nyata... 
 

Ada seorang ibu rumah tangga yang memiliki 4 anak laki-laki. 
Urusan belanja, cucian, makan, kebersihan & kerapihan rumah dapat ditanganinya dengan baik. 
Rumah tampak selalu rapih, bersih & teratur dan suami serta anak-anaknya sangat menghargai pengabdiannya itu. 
Cuma ada satu masalah, ibu yg pembersih ini sangat tidak suka kalau karpet di rumahnya kotor. Ia bisa meledak dan marah berkepanjangan hanya gara-gara melihat jejak sepatu di atas karpet, dan suasana tidak enak akan berlangsung seharian. Padahal, dengan 4 anak laki-laki di rumah, hal ini mudah sekali terjadi terjadi dan menyiksanya. 
Atas saran keluarganya, ia pergi menemui seorang psikolog bernama Virginia Satir, dan menceritakan masalahnya. Setelah mendengarkan cerita sang ibu dengan penuh perhatian,  Virginia Satir tersenyum & berkata kepada sang ibu : "Ibu harap tutup mata ibu dan bayangkan apa yang akan saya katakan" Ibu itu kemudian menutup matanya. 

"Bayangkan rumah ibu yang rapih dan karpet ibu yang bersih mengembang, tak ternoda, tanpa kotoran, tanpa jejak sepatu, bagaimana perasaan ibu?" 
Sambil tetap menutup mata, senyum ibu itu merekah, mukanya yg murung berubah cerah. Ia tampak senang dengan bayangan yang dilihatnya. 
  Virginia Satir melanjutkan; "Itu artinya tidak ada seorangpun di rumah ibu. Tak ada suami, tak ada anak-anak, tak terdengar gurau canda dan tawa ceria mereka. 
Rumah ibu sepi dan kosong tanpa orang-orang yang ibu kasihi". Seketika muka ibu itu berubah keruh, senyumnya langsung menghilang, napasnya mengandung isak. 
Perasaannya terguncang. Pikirannya langsung cemas membayangkan apa yang tengah terjadi pada suami dan anak-anaknya. 

  "Sekarang lihat kembali karpet itu, ibu melihat jejak sepatu & kotoran di sana, artinya 
   suami dan anak-anak ibu ada di rumah, orang-orang yang ibu cintai ada bersama ibu dan 
   kehadiran mereka menghangatkan hati ibu". Ibu itu mulai tersenyum kembali, ia merasa nyaman 
  dengan visualisasi tsb.  
  "Sekarang bukalah mata ibu" Ibu itu membuka matanya 
  "Bagaimana, apakah karpet kotor masih menjadi masalah 
   buat ibu?" 

  Ibu itu tersenyum dan menggelengkan kepalanya. 
  "Aku tahu maksud anda" ujar sang ibu, "Jika kita melihat dengan sudut 
  yang tepat, maka hal yang tampak negatif dapat dilihat secara positif". 

  Sejak saat itu, sang ibu tak pernah lagi mengeluh soal karpetnya yang kotor, karena setiap melihat jejak sepatu disana, ia tahu, keluarga yg dikasihinya ada di rumah. 

 Kisah di atas adalah kisah nyata. Virginia Satir adalah seorang psikolog terkenal yang mengilhami Richard Binder & John Adler untuk menciptakan NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) . Dan teknik yang dipakainya di atas disebut Reframing, yaitu bagaimana kita 'membingkai ulang' sudut pandang kita sehingga sesuatu yg tadinya negatif dapat menjadi positif, salah satu caranya dengan mengubah sudut pandangnya. 

 Terlampir beberapa contoh pengubahan sudut pandang : 

 Saya BERSYUKUR; 
 
  1. Untuk istri yang mengatakan malam ini kita hanya makan mie instan, karena itu artinya ia bersamaku bukan dengan orang lain 
  2. Untuk suami yang hanya duduk malas di sofa menonton TV, karena itu artinya ia berada di rumah dan bukan di bar, kafe, atau di tempat mesum. 
  3. Untuk anak-anak yang ribut mengeluh tentang banyak hal, karena itu artinya mereka di rumah dan tidak jadi anak jalanan. 
 4. Untuk Tagihan Pajak yang cukup besar, karena itu artinya saya bekerja dan digaji tinggi  

 5. Untuk sampah dan kotoran bekas pesta yang harus saya bersihkan, karena itu artinya keluarga kami dikelilingi banyak teman. 
 6. Untuk pakaian yang mulai kesempitan, karena itu artinya saya cukup makan. 
 7. Untuk rasa lelah, capai dan penat di penghujung hari, karena itu artinya saya masih mampu bekerja keras. 
 8. Untuk semua kritik yang saya dengar tentang pemerintah, karena itu artinya masih ada kebebasan berpendapat. 
 9. Untuk bunyi alarm keras jam 5 pagi yg membangunkan saya, karena itu artinya saya masih bisa terbangun, masih hidup

10. Untuk dst...

Marriage

What do you think about marriage?

For some people, get married means to have children, grow old together.

But for other, get married perhaps the very hard to do, why?.....

I took from http://www.wikipedia.org:

Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships (usually intimate and sexual) are acknowledged by the state, by religious authority, or both.

Related by region, such as Asia, marriage is always a sacred and holy institution. The couple who marriage will share their moment of life till the end.

But, for some European and American, the couple do not have always marriage, if that is only to have children, or sex.

God has give us free will.

Whether you want to be married or not, that is your choice.

Have fun with your life...

5- Steps You Can Take Today To Find Love In Your Life

Did you know all humans share one identical dark secret? In fact, it is the deepest dwelling fear inside each and every one of us…it is the fear "I am not good enough to be loved." Can you imagine? We all are walking around sharing the same chains of bondage holding us from finding love in our lives, but hardly any of us dare speak out loud about it. Every one of us has at one time or another been haunted by this little secret. Those who have grown to see past the Maya (illusion) of this fear know exactly what to do to send it crawling away with its tail tucked between its legs. And after getting in touch with these 5-steps you too will know how to kick this lie out of your life and send it packing into the nether regions of existence! Once you overcome the little secret finding love in your life becomes easier than falling off a wet log.

1) Why It's Important To Know YOU Are Worthy Of Love

If you agree with yourself that you are not worthy of love then everyone else will agree with you as well. After all it is you who determines what your personal value is and what you deserve in this life. Perhaps as a child you were abused, or picked on, or ignored to the point were you could have sworn you were invisible. The truth is any and all similar experiences do hurt and they program the wrong message into our mind-space, both conscious and sub- conscious.

2) Investing In Yourself

As we grow older we carry the negative impressions of our childhood with us, often replaying them time and again and even passing them on to our own children. It was destructive actions that recorded the notion into you that you were not good enough and it will be progressive actions that erase this poor message and in its place record the correct message, "You are in fact worthy of love, you were created from a place of love and you will live a life of abundant love."

3) Take Action Today

If the bad taught you the ugly then the good will teach you the beautiful. Begin with a simple list of all the things you would like to do but have been holding back from doing. Pick one thing that you can start today and realistically complete. Maybe it is something immediate like buying a certain book or CD. Perhaps you desire to explore a spiritual path or see yourself having a blast in salsa dance class. Maybe what you're really crazy for is to succeed in a new profession. It all matters, be proud of yourself for having the desire to grow to stretch to leap even if you are scared. Because as one of my great masters taught, "It is better to be scared and moving than to be frightened and frozen."

4) Breaking Down The Barriers

As you begin to invest in yourself you will begin to teach your inner being that you matter to YOU! Now find one thing you can do to volunteer your time. As you begin to invest in the people and the community around you, you teach your inner being that YOU matter to others. You realize you do have the power to effect positive change both in your internal and external environment. When you volunteer you go outside of yourself, as you go outside of yourself by serving others your self-doubt and depressions begin to melt like Himalayan snow in the Sedona Dessert. Sharing for the sake of sharing is a magnet for the law of attraction in your life. It is important to understand that you should not expect material returns because you share money or time or anything else. Sharing creates a return of love in your life, it manifests in many ways. The inside trick to volunteering is to focus 100% on your commitment. Watch to see what happens as you surrender to the time and action without thinking of yourself.

5) Love Is The Way Home, Forgiveness Is The Key To The Front Door

If you want to find love in your life, make a daily commitment to loving yourself. Love does not rise and fall as the tide, instead it is a steadfast unconditional expanding rhythm. Permanently anchored, it is not dependent on any outside source or influence. Do little things for yourself that honor you. For example, take long baths, lotion your body. Eat foods that are delicious and healthy. Meditate. Speak loving words to yourself. Play games and be sure to laugh often. What is important is the process of loving yourself. It will put out the signal to the rest of the universe that you do love yourself, you are worthy of love and in response all will agree with you

Forgiveness will blow closed doors wide open in your life. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to love those who hurt you. Forgiveness starts with a desire to let go of the pain and to releasing the anger you hold inside against someone. It is a process where you begin to see yourself no longer hating the other person and giving your self permission to not feel like a victim. At first it goes and comes in waves, on some occasions forgiveness can be instant like a clean cut from an umbilical chord. If you have to face this person daily be bold, be fearless in sharing respect.

If you want to super-charge your magnet for the law of attraction forgiveness is the special ingredient in the formula. It makes-way in your life for new blessings to manifest, like clearing out a closet stuffed full of old items you don't need anymore. Make room for new and better things in your life by throwing dead-weight off your chest and allow your spirit to be free, happy and strong. There is an ancient mystic path which teaches a prayer for tuning yourself to the energy of forgiveness, it goes like this, "Dear Creator I ask the forgiveness of all those I have hurt and trespassed against. I give forgiveness to all those who have hurt and trespassed against me. I ask that no one be judged nor cursed on my account. I ask that I not be judged nor cursed on the account of anyone else." Will it be easy at first? Will you truly feel like you have forgiven? No not always. Sometimes, like a sore muscle you have to stretch and massage it before the pain is truly gone.